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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26976319">I'm a Problem Child (And My Mother Hates Me)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelyirony/pseuds/lovelyirony'>lovelyirony</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, I am a genius, James "Rhodey" Rhodes &amp; Tony Stark at MIT, M/M, MIT Era, Maria Stark's A+ Parenting, acdc song lyric for the title because, but do i care? no because i think it's sexy!, except not really A+, howard isn't really in this one because i wanted to play around with how maria would affect tony, maria is very much so a controlling parent in this fyi, rhodey is having none of tony's shit (while also still being his friend), she gets more like a D- you know?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:34:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,305</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26976319</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelyirony/pseuds/lovelyirony</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s not Howard who sends him to boarding schools, it’s Maria. She ensures that he goes to the finest schools available, most abroad in Europe. She trains him out of the American accent, into something a bit more refined. </p>
<p>He spends summers learning different languages and different skills. He learns how to fence by the time he’s ten, and becomes quite proficient at it. </p>
<p>She quizzes him on established families, up-and-coming families, and never keeps him far from her sight. </p>
<p>Anthony Stark is not going to be a wild-child, she decides.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Howard Stark/Maria Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes &amp; Tony Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>155</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I'm a Problem Child (And My Mother Hates Me)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustSomeoneUnordinary/gifts">JustSomeoneUnordinary</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>what if maria stark had been the more controlling parent? and what if rhodey was absolutely the one who got tony to be the lovable asshole he is today? (or at least helped)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tony has known he was probably not the best human on earth ever since he was five and his dad made a bigger deal out of a dead man’s birthday than his own. </p>
<p>At age five, you don’t really know a lot about the world yet. There were about two things that Tony didn’t know that he wishes he <em>did</em> know: </p>
<p>1.) The word “fuck.” It would have helped with a lot of his situations. </p>
<p>2.) The concept of jealousy. He probably could have gone to a child therapist or some shit, he’s not sure if those even existed back then, or if his parents would have even let him go. </p>
<p>(After all, he’s supposed to be their perfect little boy, just the right amount of precocious and the other amount being something like genius or respectability.) </p>
<p>It is actually his mother who takes the reins on his life. Howard has effect, he has <em>huge</em> effects. </p>
<p>Maria is a socialite who absolutely refuses to let her son succumb to Howard’s devil-may-care attitude that he’s so infamous for. Her son is going to be well-mannered, respectable, and know exactly how to treat a lady of high social standing. </p>
<p>This involves training at a young age. Six would be a fine age. </p>
<p>It’s not Howard who sends him to boarding schools, it’s Maria. She ensures that he goes to the finest schools available, most abroad in Europe. She trains him out of the American accent, into something a bit more refined. </p>
<p>He spends summers learning different languages and different skills. He learns how to fence by the time he’s ten, and becomes quite proficient at it. </p>
<p>She quizzes him on established families, up-and-coming families, and never keeps him far from her sight. </p>
<p>Anthony Stark is not going to be a wild-child, she decides. </p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Anthony isn’t, for the most part. Sure, he usually stays up past what is acceptable for the night to work on some mechanic stuff and uses the word “damn” a bit too much for his mother’s liking, but that’s the reason make-up and apologies were invented. </p>
<p>He follows rules and is known to smile like his mother and enjoy listening to quartets play out in the open air during the summer months. He travels to Europe and participates in various activities and is the talk of many socialites who eagerly await his arrival. </p>
<p>He’s a portrait, holding still for all’s approval, and he’s not quite sure how to move. </p>
<p>That’s troublesome, he thinks. </p>
<p>The problem is this: Anthony Stark doesn’t have any interests outside what is required. He <em>loves</em> working on inventions, and they are necessary for the company to survive, but his father hates any robotic invention he pushes for, and mother thinks that if he tells people he’s rather fond of AC/DC then he’s a plague to society and will be shunned. </p>
<p>(He doesn’t say it to her face but they haven’t shunned Sunset yet, and she’s a whole world of problems, so rock music is the least of their problems.) </p>
<p>There is one thing that he pushes for: university in the United States. He’s been traveling to Europe since he was a child, and he honestly needs to do something for himself. </p>
<p>Maria is not pleased. </p>
<p>“So after I sacrifice so much for you, <em>this</em> is how you repay me?” she asks him over dinner. </p>
<p>He places his fork to the correct side. </p>
<p>“Yes. This is how I am repaying you. By getting a perfectly respectable college degree from a critically-acclaimed university that anyone would be lucky to attend. Not to mention it might reflect badly on Stark Industries if I don’t go to an American college. Do I not trust American institutions to run an American business?” </p>
<p>“You <em>shouldn’t</em>.” </p>
<p>Anthony laughs. </p>
<p>“Mother, they cannot teach me anything that Europe can’t. Let me go to college in the United States. Please.” </p>
<p>“No.” </p>
<p>- </p>
<p>It takes <em>Howard</em> to convince her, and a.) Howard doesn’t even like Anthony that much, and b.) he also doesn’t like his wife that much. </p>
<p>“He’s going to a damned college here, Maria. We don’t need him to go to any more of that fancy bullshit you call school over there.” </p>
<p>“Fancy <em>bullshit</em>, Howard?! <em>Bullshit?!</em> You mean what has gotten him this far in life and will make him a better man of social standing than <em>you?</em>” </p>
<p>“My god, is social standing all that matters to you? What are your little friends going to do, choke on their silver spoons when they find out that your son is going to an American college?” </p>
<p>- </p>
<p>Jarvis <em>also</em> convinces her. </p>
<p>“It will be easier to monitor his progress from a shorter distance,” he advises. “And you can visit frequently.” </p>
<p>Anthony gives him a <em>very</em> dirty look. Apparently, he wasn’t supposed to mention that. </p>
<p>Oops. </p>
<p>-</p>
<p>But, Anthony gets his way. He’s going to MIT, and he has a <em>roommate.</em> </p>
<p>(Okay, so mother doesn’t know that. But he supposes she will if she ever visits. Or maybe not considering if Tony can successfully convince his roommate to “disappear” for at least a day.) </p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Rhodey does not give a singular shit about high society anything or anyone. Anthony Stark is a name he registers, but doesn’t recognize. </p>
<p>“Anthony’s a mouthful,” he says a week into their cohabitation. “You have a nickname or something?” </p>
<p>“Ah...no? I mean, not yet,” Anthony says. </p>
<p>“How do you feel about Tony?” </p>
<p>“I...I suppose that that is alright.” </p>
<p>“Are you from Europe?” </p>
<p>“No, from New York.” </p>
<p>“Well holy <em>shit</em>, you sure as fuck don’t sound like it.” </p>
<p>- </p>
<p>Anthony--well, Tony now--learns quite a bit about American schooling and what he’s actually supposed to be doing to pass off as normal. </p>
<p>Rhodey (yeah he got a nickname that ended in ‘y’ too, Tony said he wouldn’t be the only one) takes him to the thrift store and tells him to pick out some clothes. </p>
<p>“...there’s a shirt that’s advertising a restaurant from Montana.” </p>
<p>“And? Does it look hilarious?” </p>
<p>“Is that the point of this?” </p>
<p>“Fashion is supposed to make you like what you’re wearing or like yourself. I swear if you say that those boring black suits make you feel better about yourself, I will be dragging you to any therapist that will take us for at least five dollars.” </p>
<p>“Five dollars?” </p>
<p>“Maybe less if I can negotiate.” </p>
<p>“Hey!” </p>
<p>- </p>
<p>Tony learns how to have fun. He <em>loves</em> it. </p>
<p>Rhodey makes him go to record stores and find the bargain bin, and they play the warped records and laugh as voices go up and down in pitch. Tony <em>blasts</em> Black Sabbath and Iron Maiden until the RA begs him to go to bed and Rhodey throws all of his pillows off of his bed. </p>
<p>In return, Tony teaches Rhodey how to read other’s facial expressions, dress for any occasion and be the best-looking there, as well as avoiding any sort of conflict by bringing up past embarrassments. </p>
<p>“Are you serious about the color of my shoe affecting my social standing?” Rhodey asks, trying to shove his foot into a shoe that was a brown color that Tony had described as a “golden mahogany.” </p>
<p>“Yes, I’m <em>dead</em> serious.” </p>
<p>“No fucking wonder everyone says 'eat the rich', all of you are so fucking pretentious. It’s <em>brown</em>, Tony.” </p>
<p>“Tell that to any high society woman over fifty.” </p>
<p>“I will.” </p>
<p>- </p>
<p>As it turns out, he ends up doing it much sooner than anticipated. </p>
<p>Tony’s parents come to visit. </p>
<p>They call him <em>Anthony</em>. Which is gross. Rhodey hasn’t used the name “Anthony” in about six months. </p>
<p>“I wasn’t aware that <em>you</em> were his roommate,” his mother says. </p>
<p>“Well, here I am,” Rhodey says. “Name’s also on the information they sent out to the parents about the living situations.” </p>
<p>Tony tenses as his parents brush off the obvious comment on how little they actually know about his situation and move right into the room. </p>
<p>Maria stops at the huge poster of a rock band. </p>
<p>“I assume that this is...James’?” </p>
<p>“No,” he says timidly. “It’s...it’s mine. Their use of movement on the guitar strings-” </p>
<p>“Take it down,” Maria demands. “It’s unsightly.” </p>
<p>“Oh give the kid a break,” Howard says tiredly. “For once he’s not listening to you talk about the merits of paisley prints.” </p>
<p>“I’m training our son for a more successful life than <em>yours,</em>” Maria hisses. “Of course, you’d have to stay away from your friend <em>Jack</em> to understand that.” </p>
<p>“Rhodey, leave,” Tony says. “Trust me, it gets messier from here.” </p>
<p>He does think about it. How easy it would be to walk out and check in with a couple of his other friends and talk about how crazy Tony’s parents are. How he could check back in near dinner time and then Tony could tell him all about how terribly it went. </p>
<p>But Tony already looks terrible, and he’s doing that weird thing with his hands where he wrings them and then remembers he’s not supposed to wring them and makes it worse. </p>
<p>“No,” Rhodey says. “I am staying until the bitter end. Who knows? Maybe I can give your mom a heart attack when I ask her the difference between kelly and forest green.” </p>
<p>Tony grins. </p>
<p>“You can leave any time, it’s about to get...interesting.” </p>
<p>- </p>
<p>Tony’s family is quite dysfunctional. They can put on a good front in public, for what it’s worth. </p>
<p>Howard is impressed that Rhodey’s planning on going into the Air Force and then talks about Captain America for a lot of the dinner. Rhodey is very uncomfortable and then asks about business and Maria rolls her eyes and orders another glass of wine. </p>
<p>After Howard finishes up talking about some contract and making vague threats against businesses that Rhodey thinks might actually be in trouble, it’s Maria’s turn. </p>
<p>“So, Rhodey, where is your family from?” </p>
<p>“We live in the Boston area,” Rhodey answers. </p>
<p>“And what do your parents do?” </p>
<p>“Dad works as a consultant for a local construction company, and my mom works as a high school history teacher. They both like their jobs.” </p>
<p>“Hm,” Maria remarks, and it’s so light and casual and yet so <em>cutting</em>. Tony can see how Rhodey squirms, and he can’t just let it stand. </p>
<p>It’s one thing for Maria to cut her own son down until he’s nothing. Still fucked up, but Tony can handle it. He’s been handling it for years. </p>
<p>“Rhodey, how did your mom come to want to know she liked teaching?” Tony asks. “That sounds like it could be really hard to figure out.” </p>
<p>“Oh, well it all started when she was in high school and wanted to change how one of her teachers treated students. It was a really inspiring moment for her.” </p>
<p>“That sounds really cool,” Tony says. “What does she like most about her job?” </p>
<p>“Probably the kids,” Rhodey says. </p>
<p>The conversation carries on about Rhodey’s family until their dinner arrives and his mother manages to cut in with more questions. </p>
<p>“So, what else does your mother do?” </p>
<p>“She volunteers at the local food kitchen and helps some of the younger kids at the after-school program,” Rhodey answers. “She also makes a mean Thanksgiving turkey.” </p>
<p>“Would you look at that,” Tony says. “Mrs. Rhodes sounds like a fine cook, I wish I could say the same for you, mother.” </p>
<p>“Oh?” </p>
<p>Howard actually laughs at that as he signs for the bill. </p>
<p>“The kid is right, Maria. At some points I think your kitchen is only used for decoration.” </p>
<p>“Oh, and <em>you</em> know how to cook, Mr. Stark?” Maria asks, raising her eyebrows. “I’d love to see you make anything other than coffee.” </p>
<p>“I’ll make toast.” </p>
<p>Rhodey laughs, and so does Tony. </p>
<p>“Ready to go?” Tony asks, and part of it is a way to get away from an isolated conversation, and part of it is to make his parents leave for their hotel room sooner. </p>
<p>“Tony, I want to have a talk with you before we retire for the night,” Maria says, and Tony tenses up. </p>
<p>Rhodey can’t protect him from that, and he squeezes Tony’s hand as they walk behind his parents. </p>
<p>“It’ll be okay,” he whispers. </p>
<p>“Maybe,” Tony says. “Maybe.” </p>
<p>- </p>
<p>Rhodey goes into their building, and Howard waits in the car. He nods to Tony on his way out. </p>
<p>“You’ve...changed,” mother says. </p>
<p>“Well, that’s how humanity goes,” Tony says dryly, looking anywhere but her eyes. </p>
<p>“Rock music? These <em>snappish</em> remarks towards your own mother? I don’t know if this college was such a good idea.” </p>
<p>“It is,” Tony says. “I just...learned new things and incorporated it into my life. Nothing the matter with that.” </p>
<p>“Nothing <em>wrong</em> with that?” Maria reiterates, surprised look on her face. “Rock music is for other people, you know things that others don’t know! You can perform violin and piano, you don’t have to listen to the personal manifestation of a headache!” </p>
<p>“And if I <em>like</em> that headache?!” Tony asks. “If I like something that’s outside of what you approve, why so angry about it? Is it because you finally can’t control every single aspect about my identity? Is it because I’m not like your perfect little toy that you can make walk and talk how you like?” </p>
<p>“You know it’s not that.” </p>
<p>“Isn’t it?” Tony asks. “Because you want me to change every single interest that I’ve found I like by myself. I bet you want me to listen to Bach for <em>fun</em>.” </p>
<p>“I do not want you to change from who you are,” Maria says. “You have eaten at the finest restaurants in the world and now you brag about making something called ramen in a microwave. A <em>microwave</em>?!” </p>
<p>“A surprising amount of families in America have them,” Tony says. “And I’m a college student! I’m supposed to eat crappy food and then laugh about it in twenty years!” </p>
<p>Maria turns red, and her lips screw up into a tight line. </p>
<p>“I don’t think you should be here,” Maria says. “You’re forgetting your place. Your roommate is...” </p>
<p>“My roommate is <em>what</em>,” Tony starts, glaring at her. “My roommate is what, mother? You want to honestly finish that sentence?” </p>
<p>“He’s not good enough!” she yells at him. “You are a Stark!” </p>
<p>Tony stares at her for a moment. And then another moment. </p>
<p>“<em>Leave</em>,” he says. “Get the <em>hell</em> out of here.” </p>
<p>“You don’t tell me-” </p>
<p>“I do,” Tony says, using his full height to his advantage. “You can tell me how many times I’ve fucked up as many times as you want, but you <em>never</em> talk about James that way ever again.” </p>
<p>He twists on his heel, forcefully opening the door to the dormitory and not once looking back. </p>
<p>- </p>
<p>Rhodey finds Tony back in his room when he gets back from getting ready for the night, and Tony is clutching a pillow and laying face down on the bed. </p>
<p>“You know, you’ll have to turn over eventually to get some fresh air.” </p>
<p>“Leave me to <em>die</em>, Rhodey. Oh my god.” </p>
<p>“That bad?” </p>
<p>“That bad. She’s probably going to try and put me in a prestigious college or some shit.” </p>
<p>“Oof. Wanna fake your death and run away?” </p>
<p>“<em>Please</em>.” </p>
<p>“Well, too bad. I have a test next week, and you need to do your poetry notes.” </p>
<p>“But poetry sucks.” </p>
<p>“It only sucks because you don’t like modern poetry, suck it up and pull it out of your ass or something.” </p>
<p>“Ugh, <em>fine</em>.” </p>
<p>- </p>
<p>Maria is trying very hard to get her son away from MIT and towards a fancy school in Europe. She doesn’t even care where, just away from his roommate and his classic rock posters and the <em>dormitory</em>. Anthony needs an environment where he can focus on networking, meeting more people. </p>
<p>Howard says no. </p>
<p>He can’t even bother to remember her son’s birthday, and he says “no.” </p>
<p>“We need Anthony to go to an American school, and nothing is better besides maybe Cal Tech, and he’ll have to finish another year of college and Hammer Industries can use that as a sign of an unsteady heir.” </p>
<p>“Well then get <em>rid</em> of his roommate.” </p>
<p>“I’m not doing that, you’re asking for a PR death sentence.” </p>
<p>“He’s a bad <em>influence</em>.” </p>
<p>“No he’s not,” Howard says tiredly. “The kid is finally standing up for himself, and you hate that.” </p>
<p>“I don’t <em>hate</em> that he can be his own person.” </p>
<p>“You just wish he were his own person under your specifications,” Howard drawls. “He’s staying at MIT, that’s final.” </p>
<p>“Hmph.” </p>
<p>Howard rolls his eyes. </p>
<p>“Go back to planning whatever charity gala you’re hosting this week, honey. I’m sure things will be fine.” </p>
<p>Maria doesn’t speak against her husband, just fumes and decides she’s going to try to get Jarvis’ opinion. </p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Edwin is also a flat no. </p>
<p>“He will not forgive you if you do this,” he says, pouring her tea and adding in one sugar cube. “He loves his school, he talks about it all the time.” </p>
<p>“And what, he calls you?” </p>
<p>Edwin Jarvis realizes he shouldn’t have mentioned this. </p>
<p>“At times, madam. At times. Will that be all?” </p>
<p>“...that will be all.” </p>
<p>Jarvis does bring up a good point. Besides her, of course, he knows Anthony best, even if he does keep calling him Tony. Anthony will grow out of that nickname soon enough. </p>
<p>She has hope for her boy. He will most likely grow out of this silly little phase in life and finally appreciate her lessons. </p>
<p>- </p>
<p>Tony Stark doesn’t. </p>
<p>Well, he learns her lessons. Can appreciate some of them and how much he hates that he uses them. </p>
<p>But he learns a far more important lesson from Rhodey, and it shapes everything: </p>
<p>“You’re your own person, and you’re far better as your own person,” Rhodey says. “I wanted to kick the shit out of you when we first lived together.” </p>
<p>“You did?” </p>
<p>“Of <em>course</em> I did!” Rhodey explains, gesturing with his coffee mug and getting yet another stain on the pillow. (Laundry again. Ugh.) “You talked like you were from a movie from the forties, it sucked.” </p>
<p>“Oh, you mean the transatlantic accent?” </p>
<p>“It’s pretentious, just ditch it. You’re interesting enough to listen to on your own. I listen to you talk about how much you hate Picasso sculpture, don’t I?” </p>
<p>“You do,” Tony admits. </p>
<p>“So then be yourself. Use what your mom taught you sometimes, but otherwise don’t.” </p>
<p>“You sure?” </p>
<p>“Of course I’m sure, I’m a fucking genius.” </p>
<p>Tony snorts. </p>
<p>“Okay, Mr. ‘I Forgot to Run the Dishes Again.’”</p>
<p>“I already <em>said</em> I was sorry!” </p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Tony takes Rhodey’s advice into account when he walks into any board room. He wears the worst possible shoes with every single suit, usually uses all sorts of cultural references that fly over the old board members’ heads. </p>
<p>He does things his way. It’s unconventional, it’s unpredictable, and it earns him a reputation. </p>
<p>He’s in an interview in a suit and patterned tie (patterned with tiny robots), and the woman is smiling in a plastic way on the other side. </p>
<p>“Now, a lot of people are saying you’re taking the business world by storm with your unconventional methods and personality. What helped you formulate this, your father?” </p>
<p>“Oh god no,” Tony says, laughing. “He’d probably curse me to hell and back for even wearing this tie. My mother would drag me back down to hell again for this.” </p>
<p>“Then who helped you with this?” </p>
<p>“Rhodey, who else?” Tony asks. “He always gives the best advice, even if I’ll deny that about fifteen minutes later. He really is the reason that I’m who I am today.” </p>
<p>“Seems like a great guy.” </p>
<p>“He is. He always is,” Tony says with a grin. “Except, of course, when he doesn’t fold his laundry, that bastard.” </p>
<p>The interviewer laughs and moves on, but Tony smiles to himself. </p>
<p>He doesn’t have to be the best, he just has to be Rhodey’s. That’s all that matters.</p>
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